Joe: So how is the honey hole?
Joe: Right and I am the NSA.
Joe: Right and I am the Queen Bee.
Jack: There is one problem though. They did not build the storage bunker deep enough to contain the radiation. As a result, Trader Dan is beginning to glow in the dark. Get a load of this:
- Trader Dan has become the life and light of nightly block parties.
- He now hands out free glowing reports on his stock trading recommendations.
- When he plans late night wilderness hikes, everybody wants to go because no flashlights are needed.
- Regrettably though, he is not welcome in theaters.
Overheard in the Subway
Einstein's Gold
The following conversation was recently overheard in the subway between Jack, an experienced government employee and Joe, an uninformed citizen.
Jack: After our last subway conversation about the “Fair Department”, some moron got wind of it and I have been transferred to a new job in the “Deep Storage Department”.
Joe: What do you do there? Freeze your butt off?
Jack: No, we do flimflams in gold.
Future Flimflams
Joe: You have got to be kidding! What are they up to now?
Jack: Have you noticed that security guard openings for gold vaults have been taken down?
Joe: You got that right!
Jack: All security is doing is guarding thin air because we don’t have any real gold in deep storage. So we are on the hunt for some really cheap gold to replace it before it’s too late.
Joe: Cheap gold? How are you going to do that?
Jack: The method is to pooh-pooh gold everywhere so we can get a bunch very cheaply next year and replenish the vaults.
Joe: Cute maneuver. You must have some very smart people working there.
Jack: Yes we do. Our Mission Motto is from Einstein. “Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.”
Joe: Outstanding concept!
Fatal Flaws
Jack: We also got Uncle Sam with his printing press so we can distract the masses by jacking up the stock market to make the peasants feel good. They then will avoid any gold investments.
Joe: Wow, very impressive!
Jack: As a result, we got insane newsletter writers, cheerleaders and contrarians on the run with their constant calls of undervaluation and a bottom soon. We also got gold value investors doing the fine art of buying low and selling lower. Like Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Dummies!
Joe: Yes indeed.
Jack: We also got “friends” who, for a small fee, have agreed to sell gold anytime it appears to be bottoming or breaking out. On TV and websites, we got other “friends” who just keep telling the gold bugs what they want to hear. Like, “hang in there because a super moon shot is just around the corner”. LOL. You know, over by that cliff.
Joe: Hilarious!
Jack: Hoping, wishing and praying are just not there for these stupid investors because we can make the gold market stay irrational longer than they can stay solvent!
Joe: My stomach hurts...
Flimsy Facts
Jack: As I said before, one of our best flimflams is jacking up the stock market so investors avoid any gold investments. It also makes the peasants feel all is well. We also tell them the bull (S&P500) climbs stairs but the bear (gold) jumps out windows. Most peasants are definitely interested in fantasy, fiction or fads, as long as they make money.
Joe: I can see that and it certainly looks like you have all the bases covered. But analysts say that future flimflams, fatal flaws and flimsy facts are a fast fading fad.
Jack: Well, in case the program doesn’t work, we have an ace in the hole. The 1872 mining law.
Joe: Ut oh.
Jack: We simply change the rules to make it unproductive to mine gold. Then we come back and, in the name of saving jobs for this important part of the economy, buy a majority interest for pennies while reemploying their desperate workers. That way we get all the gold that the companies have in the US plus all the other properties they own in other countries and confidence in the USD is restored. That’s the true means, motive and opportunity for replenishing our “Deep Storage” vaults. By the way, buy gold and your favorite company at that point. Moon shot time!
Joe: Brilliant!
Jack: Like Einstein said, “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere”.
Joe: I am just wondering if Einstein would agree with that kind of “imagination”. It must be Einstein’s gold.
-----------------------
Overheard in the Subway
All Is Fair
The following conversation was recently overheard in the
subway between Jack, a newly hired government employee and Joe, an uninformed
citizen.
How Fair is Fair
Joe: Since we are going socialist anyway, why not just go there
right away and enjoy all the benefits?
Jack: Well, we have to go slow so everyone can see how fair it
is. It’s the new fairness policy with equality for all. This is where you get
to liberally stick your hands in somebody else’s pocket and keep whatever you
find or donate it to someone else.
Joe: But won’t someone get to stick their hand in your pocket?
Jack: No. It is only directed towards those who don’t believe in
the fairness policy, are overly productive and make everyone else look bad.
It’s the only fair thing to do.
Fair Employment
Joe: I can’t wait! But unemployment is way up and there is no
job growth. What are they doing for those folks?
Jack: No problem. The government hires them all as
statisticians, cheerleaders or as information specialists in the “see
something, say something program”. Consequently, most everyone will be on the
government payroll in some form eventually. As a result, we will have full
employment shortly.
Joe: Outstanding!
Jack: And they all will naturally show their appreciation
whenever “elections” show up too.
Let’s be Fair Programs
Joe: Of course they will! But what about the TSA’s plans to
expand their activities by coming to your home to monitor your home
temperature, water use and genetically modified food supply?
Jack: If you comply and show support for the regime’s program,
you can get tax credits and more money in your pocket to spend on approved
government food surplus. It’s a snap!
Joe: I hear you. What about those who say “fair” is a “fairy
tale” and that they are acting like the old KGB, Gestapo or Stasi?
Jack: Well, we have what we call “Sensei and Mentoring”. This
S&M plan is affectionately known in our office as “muscle and more” and a
program to assist those in need of a positive education and enlightenment. Fortunately,
we have lots of schools open in the evenings that are available for training
classes.
It’s a new, improved and modern version with a business friendly
attitude, nicely packaged and free! If you attend classes and support the
fairness policy, you get bonus tax breaks too. Just fill out a few forms and
you are accepted.
Joe: Nice! But some say the government is lying, being deceitful
and withholding the truth on economic and financial matters.
Jack: No way. We have a new program called the “Information
Formation System”, better known as “IFS”, to inform the citizens on our real
progress. You should apply there for a cushy job rearranging the deck chairs,
as it were. You would definitely qualify…no ifs, ands or butts about it.
Paying Fairly for Programs
Joe: Thanks for the opportunity! But where do they get the money
for all these programs? I mean, Margaret Thatcher said something once
about socialism being great until you run out of other people’s money.
Jack: We solved that problem. Just print it!
Joe: Amazing! What will happen to the constitution and the gold
standard?
Jack: Those are both barbarous relics of the past which were
nice in the good old days. But now it’s time to modernize, streamline our
thinking and make new “guidelines”. Besides, we are running out of gold but
have plenty of trees left over to print money, send out announcements and paper
things over.
Joe: Wow! Brilliant idea. Where do I sign up?
Getting a Fair Shake
Jack: Well, if you voted for Big “B”, you are already signed up as
a party faithful. Not that the alternative would have been better, mind you.
It’s just that for latecomers, economic energizer bunnies and naïve nitwits,
they now have to call 1-000-000-000 where they are guaranteed
zero wait time, zero answers and zero sum results.
These are truly exciting Zero Sum benefit programs. Call now!
Joe: Very creative telephone number we all can remember very
easily!
Jack: Oh yes! It’s also a place where the unsigned will wait
less than 3 hours to speak to a government rep. Most will eventually be told of
their ineligibility for the “fairness” benefits, have to pay a financial
penalty and get zero rewards because they failed to sign up on time. The rest
who oppose us are toast anyway.
Joe: Ut oh...
Jack: But the good news is they are eligible for a free
brainwash, rinse and repeat, courtesy of their fellow comrades.
Joe: How reassuring! Sure am glad you’re not a communist!
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